Suggestions for Family and Friends

• Address your genuine concern and express compassion

• Be available to listen or help with whatever seems to be needed

• Allow them to express as much grief as they are feeling at the moment and are willing to share

• Encourage them to be patient, not to expect too much and not to impose any "should haves" on themselves

• Allow them to talk about special, endearing qualities of their deceased loved one

• Allowing your own sense of helplessness keep you from reaching out to the surviving family members

• Ignoring them because you are uncomfortable (being avoided by friends adds pain to an already intolerably painful experience)

• Telling them you know how they feel or how they should feel (unless you have lost a loved one in similar circumstances) or what they should do

• Saying "you ought to be feeling better by now" or anything that implies judgment about their feelings

• Changing the subject when they mention their deceased loved one

• Mentioning the loved one's name out of fear or reminding them of their pain (they haven't forgotten it)

• Finding something positive to say about the loved one's death